Zack, Coffee & Tattoo addict. Word vomit. Disney. Adventures. Sleeping.
This is a great question for a couple of reasons. It’s good that you want to think for yourself and not just go along with what others are doing (good or bad). And it’s good that you want to base your decisions on reasoned convictions rather than on arbitrary rules.
Even among Christians, people tend to have different motives for choosing to save sex for marriage — so I’ll just tell you what mine were.
You’ve probably already heard the scare tactics, so I won’t go into a lot of detail here: Sex can give you STD’s, and sex can get you pregnant.
I wasn’t personally concerned about STD’s, because the girls I dated were as inexperienced as I was. But the possibility of pregnancy — that’s a scare tactic that worked on me.
Like everyone else, I heard in health class that pregnancy can happen when you’re sexually active. But over time I really saw what that can mean to a person’s life:
- One couple I knew got pregnant and, in their panic, had an abortion. They were both emotionally wrecked by their decision for a long time afterward.
- Another girl I knew chose to have her baby and gave it up for adoption. But she and her family were also emotional wrecks.
- A different girl had her baby and chose to raise it by herself. But she’s been struggling financially ever since.
- And another couple actually got married when they found out they were pregnant. But the dad had to drop out of school to support the family, and they’ve also struggled financially.
I’ve never heard of anyone who had their baby and regretted it. Babies are a blessing no matter what. But all of the people I just mentioned told me that they regretted the timing and wish they had been more careful or waited.
Pregnancy isn’t just an empty scare tactic; it’s a real possibility — even if you think you’re being careful. And it’s smart to avoid that possibility until you’re ready to be a parent.
So when my friends urged me to save sex for marriage, I chose to learn from their experiences.
Another big reason I chose to wait until marriage is that I understood what sex is for. Things typically work better for you when you use them as they are designed to be used. And sex is designed for marriage.
Sex is a natural desire, it’s a pleasurable experience and it’s a choice we make as individuals. But that isn’t all sex is.
Studies have even found that the most sexually satisfied people are those who experience sex in the context of “love and commitment” (aka marriage). And I can tell you as someone who waited, sex is pretty great when you’ve only known it with your spouse.
I wanted my relationship with my wife to be as unfettered as it could possibly be, so I waited. And I’m glad I did.
The last reason I waited for sex should be as profound as it is simple: The Bible tells me to. I can’t honestly call myself a Christian without committing to follow Jesus. He saved me, so He is the Lord of my life.
That means I don’t do what my friends, the media and society tells me I should. And I don’t even do what my will, my desires and my emotions tell me I should. I do what the Bible tells me I should.
- So when the Bible says that sex shouldn’t happen before I’m married, I wait until I’m married.
- When the Bible says that sex shouldn’t happen with anyone but my spouse, I only have sex with my spouse.
- And when the Bible says that sex is good for my marriage, I have better sex than I ever otherwise could have.
It’s not about following a rule because it’s a rule. It’s about following Jesus because I trust Him.
All this being said, if you’ve already had sex, all is not lost. Your marriage isn’t doomed, and your relationship with God isn’t shot. Jesus forgives us, and He restores us. But if you could avoid the heartbreak of having to overcome a big mistake, why wouldn’t you?
So those were my reasons for saving sex for marriage:
- I wasn’t willing to risk pregnancy before I was ready to be a parent.
- I wanted sex to be something special I only share with my wife.
- And I wanted to follow the God I trust.
Not everyone understood my choice to wait, and not everyone agreed with my reasons. But most at least respected it. And I didn’t need their approval to make my own choices anyway.
I hope that at least gives you a starting point. Thanks for the question.
Peace, love and Jesus,
If I’m dating you, you don’t need to get jealous of other people. I am with you, only you. If you ever think I’m flirting with other people, I’m not. There’s a reason why I chose you and only you. I only want you, no one else. You are mine. I am yours.
In honor of Autumn coming soon, here are some happy dogs that love the fall weather are aren’t afraid to show it. Have a great day everyone.